On any given day, a parade of thoughts march through my mind and never are they so thick as when I contemplate Emma.
Oh, how I wonder about her!
Will we ever be able to get a handle on the OCD’s and impulsivity that overtake her body? …. Does she feel lonely? … Will she be able to bathe and dress herself someday? … Will she ever type with anyone else but me, and if something happens to me, would she ever communicate again? …. How will I manage or help her if she starts raging again? … What kind of life will she really have and will it be full and rewarding? … Will she make meaningful relationships when she grows older? …. What if something happens to us – who will care for our children? ……
My mind drifts on and I capture these thoughts throughout the day and pray. What more could I do?
Sometimes I realize a whole day has gone by and I haven’t typed with her. I look at her fluttering around the room, or watch her hit herself in the head when Hayden squeals, or see her stare off into the sky as she sits in her favorite spot in the back yard.
And I wonder about all these things.
I sat down to type with her the other day, realizing that it had been at least a day since we really had a good chat. I thought maybe she’d comment on the day. She reached eagerly down to the keyboard, my hand resting lightly around her elbow.
Emma: Jesus spoke to me in my treasured dream last night.
Me: “He did?!! What did he say?”
Emma: He said not to fear because he rests triumphant. He rests in trials. Trust that I will make the life that rests in me grow so free that they will never fear.
This was the second time Emma told me that she dreamed of Jesus. I don’t always share these things, but it’s too powerful and beautiful not to. So I asked her if I could share it all and she typed “of course”.
Even as I write this, my heart swells and my tears fall. He is so much bigger than all my hopes and fears.
Here is a recent poem that Emma typed – the first in a while. She typed it so quickly as if the words just flowed out of her. I shared it with my family and my friend Gloria, who sent back this beautiful photo below and I had to use it. At the time and even now, I can’t help but think that her poem was for me in a moment of fear and sadness – another intimate reminder from him : Rest in me. I have overcome the world.
Treasures in heaven sing
yearning to teach three things:
Truth here rests in God alone,
healing exists in prayer,
and finding rest itself is
the essence of hope that He
will bring to those that
come to Him.
The kingdom of God is
pouring down everything.
Treasure the teaching.
– Emma Murphy